A driven, overachieving, controlling, opinionated, self-assured and self-righteous Yale professor of law uses her own family biography, including her parents, siblings and two daughters to contrast the parenting style of Oriental cultures with the permissive Western philosophy of child rearing. An alternative title might well be “The Chinese Method of Ensuring That Your Children Never Have Any Fun”, although both daughters now insist that they had a happy childhood and express appreciation and love for their parents. Their Jewish law professor and author father clearly played a minor role in raising them. I note that a relative with Down syndrome is mentioned only once and worry about the Chinese attitude to and treatment of those who are constitutionally unable to attain the straight A grades they so value.
The description of the absolute control of the author over every aspect of her daughter’s lives, the shouting matches, and the abuse, and the gruelling drills in piano and violin demanded of the girls is foreign to all Western ideas of letting children choose their own paths and develop their own strengths. Although thanks to the author’s absolute dictatorship, the girls became celebrity child prodigies in music, I note that there is no mention of music at all in either of the girls’ most recent social media posts. They are both now Harvard students, following in their parents’ footsteps, probably into Ivy League appointments.
The media reaction to the book’s publication was harsh and perhaps a bit unjustified, and the author in numerous media interviews backtracked a bit, describing it as a self-parody.
Throughout the ages, adults, and elderly grandparents in particular, myself included, have railed against the child-rearing styles of younger parents. It strikes me that some balance between Western permissiveness and Oriental harshness is necessary, and the most important aspects of child rearing are consistency and setting a good example. On both accounts, I probably failed as a parent, but I doubt that any of my children would have found the fulfilling and meaningful work and roles they now excel in had I followed the controlling Chinese model of parenting.
This is an interesting and educational read and provides a lot of food for thought.
Thanks,
Andra
The Passionate Reader 