this is how it always is. Laurie Frankel. 2017. 324 pages

The Seattle mother of a transsexual child relates this engaging fiction about a family with five boys, the youngest of which from age five feels that he is a girl and acts like modern American society expects girls to act. The bedlam of a family with five boisterous boys under ten and the exhaustion and frustrations of the parents is shown with hilarious episodes, very abundant wry humour and double entendres. There is some suspense until close to the end as there is doubt about whether or not the child will complete the transition to being a girl anatomically as well as outwardly and psychologically or revert to being a boy. The settings are realistic, in Madison, Wisconsin, Seattle, and a remote medical clinic in Thailand. Refreshingly, in spite of being set largely in modern America, there is not one word about politics. The author must have spent time in Bangkok to have described the crowds, smells, and makeshift sidewalk markets with vendors of exotic foods as accurately as I recall them from spending one week there.

The father in the family is an aspiring novelist who also imagines unlikely lengthy fairy tales to tell the children as bedtime stories that they listen to together well into their teens. But the fairy tales become an allegory for the trials and troubles of the whole family trying to cope with the trans kid’s problems. There is a none-too-subtle earnest plea for tolerance, acceptance, and understanding of not just LGBTQ children but also of the difficulties that their families inevitably encounter. Gender role stereotyping is thoroughly trashed, while the binary Western attitudes about gender identity are contrasted with the more accepting culture of Buddhist Thailand. There is extensive metaphysical pondering based on Buddhist philosophy in the later chapters that I failed to comprehend completely and I doubt that I am alone in that.

The writing style is eloquent, the characters are easy to keep track of, there are no loose ends, and no plot twists are entirely unrealistic.

This is a timely enjoyable read with a potent message. In spite of dwelling on gender identity, the message is not at all about anatomy or the deployment of various combinations of appendages and orifices to express love or just for erotic satisfaction, but about gender discrimination, tolerance and respect for people with different lifestyles, and ultimately, love.